The Ever-Popular Grocery Store Encounter
by Martin III
Summary: To his great delight, Kyon is summoned to a secret meeting with Mikuru at the grocery store. Unfortunately, when he gets there he bumps into Haruhi and her mother.


It happened shortly after Valentine's Day, and that whole mess with the two Miss Asahinas. By this time I was already elbows-deep in White Day preparations, and was soon to receive a most disturbing message – but those are a story for another day. This story at least _started_ on a happy note. It began on a Friday afternoon in the literary club room.

"Okay everyone, that's a wrap!" Haruhi announced, pushing the dry erase board back. "I have plans for tomorrow, so I won't be able to supervise you, but I expect everyone to get some good work done on their assigned monster parts this weekend! Yuki, Koizumi, help me get these monster heads back to my house."

_Typical Haruhi. She has us all spend the meeting working on her assigned monster parts, then expects us to blow our weekend doing more work on this insane project while she does whatever suits her fancy. Well, at least she's cleared the clubroom of everyone but me and Miss Asahina. That's a pleasure I'm not treated to every day._

Unfortunately, the object of my affection didn't seem to regard it as such a pleasure. The moment Haruhi announced that she was leaving, the cheerful, hardworking countenance Miss Asahina wore as she painted one of the monster heads was replaced by an obvious anxiousness, even unease. Once Haruhi, Koizumi, and Nagato had left, she became outright jittery. Her eyes shied away from mine, and her hands endlessly wrung the strings of her maid costume.

I was trying to calculate the best thing to say to put her at ease when she jumped to her feet and exclaimed, "Oh! You need more tea! H-h-hold on."

She scurried over to the teapot while I just shrugged. My cup was still slightly over half full, and with the meeting over it hardly seemed like the time to be refilling teacups anyway, but if it relieved her tension, who was I to complain?

My mind released a deep, relaxed sigh, and I enjoyed another sip of tea. This was well-timed. For the past couple days, my mind had been too preoccupied with Haruhi. I don't mean just her hare-brained schemes, either. The fact that she'd gone to such absurd lengths just to surprise me and Koizumi for Valentine's Day was on my mind, certainly, but it was my own behavior that was really bothering me. Why the hell had I turned to Haruhi, of all people, for advice on helping Taniguchi get over his girlfriend problems? Even worse in its way, why was she the first one I'd called for help when Miss Asahina was kidnapped? Either I was suffering from a horrific form of brain damage that had warped my instincts to the point where I automatically turned to the world's worst confidant, or worse, my relationship with Haruhi had changed to the point where I'd rather turn to her first in any situation, even one where someone else was much more likely to be able to help. I was getting the bad feeling that if someone were to make a chart of how many of my conversations with Haruhi were initiated by her and how many were initiated by me, a disturbing trend would appear. I needed to start working on a healthy interest in a nice, normal, sane girl who didn't have completely over-the-top expectations of our relationship. Last month Haruhi told me (I'll never forget it) "we should be more than classmates, more than friends, more than siblings, more than lovers." Good grief.

As Miss Asahina came back with the teapot, I struggled to think of something nice to say to her, preferably something I wouldn't dare say with Haruhi in earshot. "You look nice today" would be technically accurate, but she was wearing the same outfit and hairstyle as usual, so it would be silly. I could compliment the tea, but her tea was always great, and I'd said so before, so that felt a little weak. Maybe "Miss Asahina, if you're from the future, it must be a bright future indeed"? ...Gah, that sounds like something a dirty old man would say.

"Uh, um, Kyon?" she said as she poured the tea. From her tone of voice, and her trembling, it was obvious she was about to say something pretty major. I looked up at her sweet heavenly face, hanging upon her every word. "Would you... That is, if you're free... w-would you like..."

"AAAAAAARRRGGGHH!" I screamed as the hot tea filled my cup past the brim and continued to pour all over my hand. I jerked away and started wiping my scalded hand off on my uniform while Miss Asahina gave a little yelp and fell back a step.

"I-I'm so sorry!" she wailed. "Quick, we've got to get you to the bathroom and pour some cold water on it!"

"No, no, it's fine!"

"Really, we should -"

"I'm not burned. It just startled me, that's all, okay?" I realized my voice was coming out rather testy, but I couldn't help it. She isn't usually that clumsy, and of course I had to overreact to tea that was barely more than lukewarm (it had been sitting in the pot the entire meeting, after all). Of all the idiotic things to happen, right as Miss Asahina was about to say something important to me. Now the moment was gone.

"...O-okay." She set the teapot down.

"I'm sorry I yelled." I had to make an effort here, as ludicrous as it was, to get her to continue. "So, what were you about to say?"

"Yes! Uh, um..." She snapped up straight, and blurted out, "Would you go grocery shopping with me tomorrow?"

For a second, my heart flared with excitement. Then my head reminded me of how requests like that had always ended up. "This is going to be another time-traveling mission, isn't it?"

"Oh, no. It has nothing to do with time travel at all. I just... well..." She fiddled with her skirt. "I just wanted to spend more time with you, that's all."

That was certainly good enough for me. Grocery shopping is hardly a romantic activity, but maybe she was too shy to try a regular date just yet. We'd been getting closer over the course of my adventures with "Michuru", and apparently this was the next step. I was more than ready to take it. After all, I'd already dated Haruhi, so you could say that my relationship with her had a commanding lead. It was time my relationship with Miss Asahina caught up.

Okay, that sounded scummy. What I'm trying to say is, even though I wasn't romantically involved with Haruhi, and never had been, it was easy for someone else to think that. Clearing that matter up was reason enough for me to start dating Miss Asahina, even if it weren't for the pleasure I felt being in her company.

* * *

Once Miss Asahina gave me the details of when and where we would meet up, it became apparent that there was more to her choice of activity than shyness. We were to meet at 10:40 somewhere in aisles 3 through 5.

I'll admit, I was puzzled at first, but by the time I arrived at the grocery store, I had figured it out. She knew there was always the chance Haruhi might learn of our rendezvous, so she'd devised a plan to make it look not only innocent, but perfectly coincidental. By meeting in the aisles, at an irregular time, it would look to an outsider as though we'd just happened to bump into each other while shopping. There would be absolutely nothing to indicate that our spending time together was planned.

Miss Asahina really was far more clever than people gave her credit for. That was on top of her being kinder, sweeter, and more beautiful than Haruhi. It was ridiculous that people could even suggest I might be interested in anyone else when a girl like Miss Asahina was around.

Wanting to make it look as good as possible, I took a shopping cart and started at aisle 1. It was still only 10:32, and there really were a few things I wanted to pick up, anyway.

As I picked out some vegetables, I thought of how I could possibly segue this grocery stop into something a bit more. No one could cry foul if I asked her out for drinks afterward, right? Just a couple of friends who happened to bump into each other at the grocery store, warming up with a cup of tea or cocoa before bringing the groceries home.

I turned the corner to the next aisle, my thoughts in turn turning to whether I should get some dorayaki for my sister. That's when it happened.

"Hey! Kyon!"

I closed my eyes. _Okay. Clearly, this is a nightmare. I'll just ignore her, and any second now, I'll wake up. Any sec-_

There was a grating metallic clatter, and the handlebar of my shopping cart was shoved into my stomach, driving a gasp from my lungs. "Wake up, stupid!" The shock made me open my eyes, and there she still was, real as life and twice as terrifying, her grip tight on her shopping cart as though preparing to ram it into mine a second time.

Haruhi.

"He's like that sometimes," she said with disgust to the woman perusing the shelves behind her. "You just have to grab his attention."

The woman nodded back at her, uncertainly. She was probably wondering why Haruhi was talking to her. That's the least of the mysteries Haruhi presents, lady.

Meanwhile, with my hope that this was just a nightmare dashed, panic gripped me. It was now 10:35; any minute Miss Asahina would be arriving. If she didn't see me in aisles 3 through 5, she might look in the adjacent aisles, but she might also think I'd stood her up. Of all the horrific ironies. We'd set up this meeting to look like a chance grocery store encounter, only for me to have a _real_ chance grocery store encounter with the last person in the world I wanted to see.

"Well, it looks like Kyon is going to just stand there twitching, so I guess it's up to me to make the introductions," Haruhi said, sticking her hands in the pockets of her winter coat. "Mom, this is Kyon. He sits in front of me in homeroom. Kyon, this is my mom."

_Really? After all we've been through, I don't even get introduced as a friend? I'm still just the guy who sits in front of you in class?_

_ ...Wait a second. Did she just say that woman behind her is her mother?_

The woman picked an item off the shelf, put it in Haruhi's shopping cart, and gave me a polite smile. "It's nice to meet you," she said.

"Uh, the pleasure is mine," I managed, returning her smile with a bow. This was too weird. It was just striking me now how incredible it was that I had never met either of Haruhi's parents before, and on top of that, she didn't look much like Haruhi at all. Her face was narrow, stiff, with a straightforward simplicity in her eyes, and her movements were slow, steady, easy to predict. There was absolutely no hint of the mischief and madness her daughter sparkled with.

Her shoulders were broad and imposing, and about them settled hair that was straight black, rather than the chocolate brown Haruhi had. And I couldn't help but note that mother and daughter had the same size breasts – which, since Haruhi was still a first-year in high school, meant they were almost certainly unequal in that regard, too. Even their attire clashed: While Haruhi wore some baggy pants and a comfortable-looking sweatshirt under her coat, her mother was in a well-ironed pantsuit.

"Hey, Mom," Haruhi broke in on our awkward greeting. "I know everything we need to pick up, so why don't I go and fill up our cart while you and Kyon get to know each other? Okay? I'll be back in 10, maybe 15 minutes."

Just like that, she took off with her cart into the next aisle, while her mother called after her, "Okay, dear," as if Haruhi were waiting for her permission.

_Huh? Even with me talking to her every day in class, and at SOS Brigade meetings, plus weekends and vacations on whatever crazy adventures she has planned, it's not like Haruhi to just pass up the opportunity to chat with me. And ditching me to talk with her mom, who I just met five seconds ago, is -_

_ Okay, I guess that part is actually par for the course for Haruhi. Still, something is seriously wrong here._

"So," Mrs. Suzumiya turned to me and smiled again. "How has Haruhi been doing in school?"

"The usual," I shrugged, hiding my discomfort. "Acing all her classes. Winning every athletic competition."

"That's good. Do you watch her play, then?"

"Sometimes." _Seriously, why did Haruhi subject me to this? Her mom's conversation is as boring as her appearance, and I honestly can't blame her. What are you supposed to talk about with your daughter's classmate? Why would __Haruhi __think either of us would want to -_

_ Wait. That's not right. When it comes to Haruhi, it's never about what anyone else wants. It's what __she__ wants. So the question I should be asking is, why would she want this situation?_

"Do you cheer her from the sidelines?" Mrs. Suzumiya pressed before I could follow that train of thought to its conclusion.

"Haruhi really doesn't need anyone to cheer her on." _Where was I? Oh, yeah. Haruhi left me here with her mom. She's not watching us talk, so maybe it has to do with what she's going to do on her own._

_ ...Oh. Oh no._

"Are the two of you close, then?"

"Ah..." _Damn, damn, damn. The mind-reader must have realized something was up with me, and her nose caught the scent of Miss Asahina. She figured out that I'm probably meeting her here, and left her mom to watch over me while she hunts down my accomplice. We are in deep trouble._ "Ah... well, sort of. We talk sometimes before class, and I'm in the SOS Brigade, so..." I shrugged.

She looked puzzled. "SOS Brigade?"

"You know, her club."

"Oh, I see," she nodded.

_What's going on here? She not only doesn't know who I am, she doesn't even know about the SOS Brigade?_

"It's the group she was promoting by dressing in a bunny costume," I threw out. That ought to jog her memory.

She put a finger to her mouth and giggled. "Bunny costume? Sounds cute."

_What the hell? Even if Haruhi didn't tell her about the SOS Brigade, which makes about as much sense as an athlete not telling his family he won a gold medal, the school must have contacted her about the bunny costume incident. Has Haruhi got some crazy scheme for keeping her misbehavior a secret from her parents?_

_ No, wait. Maybe all the notices come to her dad, and they keep it a secret from her mom so she won't worry. That's got to be it._

Mrs. Suzumiya giggled again. "Did you wear a costume too?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "No; Haruhi doesn't think I look good in costumes." I preferred to keep the reindeer act she made me do from becoming general knowledge. "What Haruhi says, goes."

I checked my watch again: 10:37. Miss Asahina was going to be here any minute, if she wasn't here already. _Damn it! Isn't there any way I can get out of this conversation without making myself look like a huge asshole? I need to call Miss Asahina and tell her to get out of here before Haruhi finds her!_

"I'm sure you know that," I continued, my mind racing over the problem. "It sounds like she orders you around, too."

For a moment she looked uncertain, the same way she did when Haruhi told her about grabbing my attention, and I realized what I'd just said in my distracted state. There was a split second of terror, but she just smiled and said, "Well, I can't help but let her have her way sometimes. She's such a darling, and she doesn't ask for much."

_Yeah, not much. Just total, unquestioning subservience._

"I'm sure it's the same with you. You probably just can't stand to say no to that pretty face."

"Yeah, I guess not..." I said, reddening just slightly. It was true that I followed Haruhi by choice, not by coercion, but I did it because I enjoyed having some adventure, not because I wanted to make her happy. I mean, sure, I did want Haruhi to be happy, but I wasn't bending my back to make it happen. It didn't seem like a good idea to correct her on that point, though.

_No, dammit, don't waste time thinking about that! You need to get out of here!_

"Listen, Mrs. Suzumiya, I'm sorry, but my sister is very sick, and my parents aren't at home today, so I really need to just grab some tissues and things and get back to her."

"Oh, I've embarrassed you." She shook her head. "I'm sorry. It's just that growing up, Haruhi always wanted to have brothers and sisters, so it's nice to see one of her classmates being sort of a big brother to her."

_I'm Haruhi's... _big brother?!_ I think I'm going to be sick._ "Yeah, I understand. Anyway, if you'll excuse me..."

"So what else does the SOS Brigade do?"

_Well, there's one thing mother and daughter have in common: lack of listening skills. She's decided she wants me to stay and talk to her and that's that. I wonder how big a penalty Haruhi would give me if I just ditched her mom right now?_ "Well, our official mission is to find aliens, espers, and time travelers, and have fun with them. But we haven't had much success with that, so mostly we celebrate holidays, participate in competitions, drink tea, and execute legally questionable schemes."

"Hmm." She frowned, just slightly, like a little boy who, after bragging he can jump his bike off a ramp, realizes it is higher than he first thought. "That's pretty impressive. It all sounds a bit over my head."

_More like in one ear and out the other, from the sound of it._ "What sort of things does Haruhi get up to at home?"

She shook her head, smiling again. "I really don't know."

_Oh yeah, that's real normal._

"I'm working so much these days, and she's so busy with school and other things. Even when we're both around at the same time, she doesn't usually want to hang out with her old mom. It really surprised me when she suggested we do this shopping trip together. Usually she just picks up whatever she needs herself. She's a very independent girl."

_I guess that makes some sense. Haruhi really eats up most after-school and weekend hours with SOS Brigade activities, and apparently she's helping that kid Shiro with his studies on top of that. Come to think of it, I haven't seen much of my own parents since starting high school. I'm sure they could have given you a basic rundown of what I'm doing with my life, though. I mean, they could have at least told you that Haruhi and the SOS Brigade _exist_, even if I don't share our more clandestine activities with them._

"Yeah," I agreed. "She is." My watch said 10:39. Enough was enough. I swiveled my cart to get around Mrs. Suzumiya. "Well, it's been nice talking to you. Hopefully we'll -"

"You're not going to go just yet, are you?" Her tone was friendly. Too friendly. "Haruhi will be upset if she comes back to find she missed you."

_Hey, I didn't force her to run off and leave me with you._ "I really don't think she'll mind. I see her every school day, and most weekends."

"That's not the same, though, is it? I mean, she was really excited to see you here."

_Could've fooled me._

"The moment before she was grumpy, but as soon as she saw you she just lit up."

"Oh, yeah?" I said this without even a hint of sarcasm, but inside me there was plenty of it waiting to bust out. It's so unfair that adults can call you out and even discipline you for lying, but you can't say a word about it when they drop a load of garbage like that. In her own weird way, Haruhi liked me, but there was no way she could be excited to see me. We'd gotten too used to each other for that. Besides, if she ever got the urge to see me on a day when we had no SOS Brigade activities planned, all she needed to do was call me up and yell. She'd done it before.

Mrs. Suzumiya nodded. "It's been a while since I've seen her like that. For a long while she was always in the same sullen mood."

Right... the pre-SOS Brigade years. "She has been a lot happier since she started the club," I acknowledged. "She needs something to do with herself."

"I see," she said, as though that last thing I said were news to her.

This conversation was awkward from the beginning, and it was obvious that we were running out of things to talk about. I was just about to resign myself to discussing the weather when salvation appeared.

"Hey, I'm all done! Did you guys talk all you wanted to?"

_Okay, maybe "salvation" is too strong a word. Let's call her the lesser of two hells._

"Mmm-hmm," Mrs. Suzumiya nodded. "Your friend seems very nice."

Was a more bland statement even possible, I wondered.

"Yeah, he's okay," Haruhi shrugged. "He's a bit surly, and he has no initiative whatsoever, but I think I can get him to shape up. Come on, let's go check out." She swept past the both of us with her cart. Apparently she had no intention of saying "bye" to me. "Oh! Hey, Kyon!" Just like that, she pulled a 180 with her cart, nearly hitting her mother. "You'll never guess who I bumped into while you guys were talking! Mikuru!"

I froze. Haruhi grinned nastily.

"Pretty wild coincidence, huh? Makes you wonder how many times SOS Brigade members have just missed each other while shopping. Heck, we could have even missed long lost friends by just minutes, or even seconds. Anyway, Mom, I invited her to come over, so you'll get to meet her, too. She's waiting for us outside. See you Monday, Kyon."

She did another 180 with her cart, again nearly hitting her mother as waved at me and said, "It was nice meeting you."

I still couldn't come up with anything more to say.

I wearily set out to finish my shopping. About five minutes later, I got a call. Miss Asahina.

Needless to say, I answered it. "Hey."

"Um, hi. It's Miss Asahina."

"Yeah. So, want to try this again tomorrow?"

"...No, that's not a good idea."

I felt a lump in my throat. "Right, I guess you've already got your shopping done. Well, we can meet someplace else, right?"

"I'm sorry, Kyon. We can't meet at all this weekend."

That was what I was afraid of. "Why? I know Haruhi showing up was kind of a disaster, but what are the odds of her bumping into us a second time? Isn't that like lightning striking the same place twice?"

"I... I'll talk to you on Monday. I'm really sorry, Kyon. Goodbye."

She hung up. I had a real bad feeling about this. Had Haruhi said something to her when she found her? Threatened her, maybe? My blood boiled with rage at the thought, but I reminded myself not to jump to conclusions. Whatever the truth was, I'd find out on Monday.

I grabbed just a few more items and checked out. Then I loaded up my bicycle and headed home.

* * *

The next morning, Miss Asahina called me up again.

"Hi, Miss Asahina," I said. "I thought you said we wouldn't talk again until Monday."

"I'm sorry," she said again. "I was with Miss Suzumiya when I called, so there wasn't much that I could say without making her suspicious."

"Why couldn't you just get away from her for a second?"

"Well, we... Oh, Kyon, I'm so sorry."

"Stop saying you're sorry. Is something going on? What happened when Haruhi found you in the grocery store yesterday?"

"Kyon," she sniffed. "I meant it when I said I wanted to spend more time with you. Please believe that. But asking you to meet me at the grocery store yesterday... was at Miss Suzumiya's orders."

A chill came over me. "What? Why did she...?"

"I don't know. She just told me it was an important brigade mission, and I couldn't let you know what was really going on. I thought maybe when she was done with you I could meet up with you for real, but when she came and met up with me, she said I had to finish shopping and wait for her outside. I couldn't call you then because her mother would have seen you answer the phone and told her about it. When Miss Suzumiya came back outside, she told me that I should call you and tell you I couldn't meet with you. She said I was going to have a fun day with her, just us two girls."

"Wait," I said, trying to make sense of this. "Just you two girls? What about her mom?"

"She had to work."

"Did you and Haruhi do anything unusual?"

"Um, let me think... We had lunch with her mom. We went back to her house and let her mom get to work, while we chatted and braided each other's hair. We did some work on the monster parts I was assigned. Then we cooked dinner and watched a movie. I think that's it."

I sure would have liked to be present at the hair braiding session, but I had to admit there wasn't much out of the ordinary there.

"So..." I scratched my head. "Was the whole thing just a trap to see if I'd try to meet with you behind her back?" That didn't make much sense to me. If that were the case, why didn't she wait until I had met with Miss Asahina and then jump out and yell "Aha!" or something like that? Why bring her mom? Why pretend that she didn't know Miss Asahina and I had arranged to meet? But I couldn't think of any other explanation.

"No, I don't think so," Miss Asahina answered. "She didn't seem upset about that at all. In fact, she was in a real cheerful mood until evening."

"What happened in the evening?"

"I don't know. We finished making dinner and she told me to get the movie set up and wait while she brought a plate to her mother. She was gone for about... mmm... five, maybe ten minutes, so I guess she was talking to her mom for a little while. When she came back, she looked very frustrated. I asked her if anything was wrong, and she just said, 'Don't worry about it. It has nothing to do with you.' She was okay after that, but... Well, she wasn't cheerful any more."

Haruhi, refraining from taking out her frustrations on whoever happens to be closest? That was unusual. But Miss Asahina's account had given me an important clue. Somehow, the whole thing revolved around Haruhi's mother. That's why she brought her along and left me to talk with her.

"I get it," I said. "She probably thought her mother could get some information out of me that I wouldn't tell Haruhi herself. But all we talked about was things Haruhi already knows, so when she asked her mother to tell her what she learned..."

"Ah, that makes sense. But... how did you elude her questions?"

"I didn't have to. Haruhi didn't tell her mother what she was up to, so she didn't know what to ask. Maybe Haruhi figured she wouldn't go along with the plan, or wouldn't act naturally if she was in on it."

"Kyon..." She sniffed. "I'm really sorry I lied to you."

"It's not your fault. I know how scared you are of what Haruhi might do if you don't follow her orders. You've gone through the wringer by doing what she says more than once before. It was just my turn." My turn to suffer for Haruhi's whims comes around fairly often, but Miss Asahina didn't need to hear me say that.

"Still... after this..." She sighed. "...and all the other times... I would understand if you didn't want to accept an invitation from me ever again. B-Besides, you seem like you'd be more comfortable spending time with Miss Suzumiya..."

"Don't even think that." My teeth set. "Only someone who's taken an ice pick to the brain would prefer to be with Haruhi over you. You're gracious and pure. You don't play games. If you'd wanted me to meet your mother, you'd have just asked to introduce me to her. That's the way people should be with each other: straightforward and simple. I don't want any more manipulation."

"Mmm." She sounded strangely unconvinced. "Kyon?"

"Yes?"

"You won't fight with her, will you?"

"No, of course not," I said.

* * *

First and foremost, I _couldn't_ get into an argument with Haruhi about her trap, because it didn't take a genius to figure out that if I knew about it, Miss Asahina must have told me. No way was I going to get her in trouble.

Anyway, I wasn't really angry with Haruhi about it. Just fed up. Fed up with the scheming and manipulations. Fed up with her interrogating me about my spending time with Miss Asahina only to reveal that she didn't give a damn. Fed up with ridiculously overcomplicated treasure hunts for Valentine's Day chocolates. Fed up with feeling like I'm a rat running through a maze in search of a piece of cheese and Haruhi is the scientist running the experiment.

So when I walked into the classroom Monday morning and saw Haruhi staring pensively at a spot on her desk, there was nothing difficult about taking my seat in front of her and turning my head back to say "Yo," just as if it were any other day.

She said nothing, just kept staring at that spot.

"It was weird bumping into you and your mom Saturday. She seems nice, though."

She sniffed. "Don't patronize me. She's as boring as a pile of bricks, and you know it."

"You shouldn't talk about your mother like that."

"What, I should lie about her, like you? Doing that just demeans all three of us."

"Well, that's true," I admitted. "But you could still be respectful. Even if she is dull, she's still your mother."

"So what? Being older doesn't mean you're any wiser or more mature."

This was pretty childish. Haruhi was obviously just mad at her mother because she didn't happen to interrogate me exactly the way she wanted her to. I mean, Haruhi didn't talk about her mother much, but ordinarily I got the sense that she was at least a little fond of her mom. She was human, after all.

I had to let it go, though, if I didn't want to blow Miss Asahina's cover. I turned back to the front of classroom.

A moment later, my chair was yanked backwards, the headrest cracking against Haruhi's desk, and I was looking at an upside down visage of fury.

"Why didn't you ask her about Shiro?!" she demanded.

"Huh?"

"You told me weeks ago that you were going to figure out why I was helping Shiro study!"

...I'd forgotten all about that. Honestly, the only reason I'd said that in the first place was because I thought the threat of me figuring that out would take a chip out of the smug expression she had on her face that day. Since it didn't, well, what was the point?

"Ordinarily, I'd expect a member of the SOS Brigade to handle a mission like that by themselves. But you were taking so long, I thought maybe I'd give you a little help." Her glare softened, curiously. "It isn't every day you show initiative like that. I wanted to encourage it as much as I could. I thought, maybe the reason he hasn't done the obvious thing and asked my parents is because he doesn't feel comfortable just coming over to my house and asking them without having been introduced first. Or maybe he doesn't know how to go about getting me out of earshot while he asks them."

I was starting to get the picture. "Haruhi, look -"

"But no!" The glare was back to full fury. Except it wasn't fury; it was disgust. "Apparently you're just so lazy that even when I shove you right up to my mom and let you have a good long talk with her while I'm busy elsewhere, you just don't even _bother_ to ask her about how I started helping out this boy in my neighborhood!"

"Now wait a minute -"

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't have you thrown out of the SOS Brigade for gross incompetence right now. Just one."

"Damn it, at least let me talk to you face-to-right side up face." I grasped her wrists, and she allowed me to pull her hands off of my chair so that I could sit up normally. "If anyone here should be angry, it's me. You didn't even tell your mother about me or the SOS Brigade."

"Huh? Of course I told her." She folded her arms. "Didn't you notice that she just blanks out anything she doesn't want to hear?"

_...Okay, I guess there were a few hints of that. But wait, why wouldn't she want to hear about me?_

"Probably because you're an underachiever, and she thinks hanging out with someone like that could lower my grade point average."

Yeah, I suppose I walked right into that one. "Anyway, if you wanted me to know the truth about you and Shiro that badly, you should have just told me."

"What? That's stupid. If I told you, you wouldn't believe me. And the point isn't the knowing, it's the seeking! Ugh, you have no motivation whatsoever." She slumped her head against her desk, burying her face in her arms. "I should have you thrown out of the SOS Brigade. I really should."

* * *

"This isn't good," Koizumi remarked, glancing over at our brigade chief, who was buried in work on her computer. "You really disappointed her."

"If she didn't set her expectations so insanely high, she wouldn't be disappointed so often." I finished counting the bills. "You're short $65. You'll have to mortgage something."

"That might be a valid point normally, but you can't claim her expectations were that high this time. All she wanted you to do was ask your mother a few questions."

"But why would I ask those questions?"

"I had thought that part was obvious. Because you are interested in knowing more about Miss Suzumiya." He shook his head. "The fact that you didn't ask has made her think that you aren't."

"'Think'? Try 'know'."

"Oh, is that so? I had assumed it was either forgetfulness or lack of initiative that made you neglect to ask about Shiro."

"Quit stalling. You still owe me $65."

He sighed, and flipped another property in his red set. "Regardless, I suspect you can agree that you should show some effort for Miss Suzumiya. She has certainly shown some effort for you." He reached into the bank money and began splitting the mortgage value between us.

"When did I ever ask her to do anything for me? If her doing nice things for a change makes me obligated to her, than she's not really doing anything nice after all, is she?"

"Obligated? When did I ever say that? My understanding is that you would want to prevent her from thinking that you are unworthy of her attention. Or worse, that you believe she is unworthy of yours."

_Damn. It._

He pushed the dice towards me. "It's your turn."

I was still sorting out my new money. "Couldn't you have gotten one of the editions which uses yen? Even fake American money reminds me of that horrible private detectives adventure."

"Hmm. Perhaps you're reminded of it because you think this could cause a similar adventure."

"Look, she'll be fine. It's not like we're fighting." I rolled the dice. "Besides, if I really am interested in knowing more about her, like you claim I am, she'll have to notice eventually, right?"

Koizumi shook his head. "Miss Suzumiya – no, people in general don't like to look for signs that other people are interested. They prefer demonstrativeness."

"I really don't care," I said, advancing my token. "Do you not understand why I was meeting with Miss Asahina in the first place?"

"Of course. Because you prefer an easy win." He pushed the pile of cards towards me. "But this is the space you've landed on. If you did not want Miss Suzumiya to hold you in higher esteem, my success in that regard would not rankle you the way it does. A liaison with Miss Asahina would be comparatively meaningless to you; otherwise, you would not try to hide it from Miss Suzumiya. If you are to win the game, you must first recognize what your goal is. And then..." He smirked as he tapped the pile. "You must be willing to take a chance."

_G__roan__._ I reached over, not bothering to hide the disgust on my face. "I'm taking a card because those are the rules of this game, not because I agree with that horribly mangled metaphor."

"Of course."

_"An easy win", my foot. Every time I try to get closer to Miss Asahina, something happens to blow it all up in my face. Are we just star-crossed? Is that it? Or do you have it in for the two of us, Haruhi?_

Knowing I'd find no answer, I looked at my card.

END

* * *

**Author's notes:** This story was triggered by SomeOldBloke's review for "The Melancholy of Mikuru Asahina, Conclusion". It was my intention from the beginning that Kyon's threat to investigate Haruhi's reason for helping Shiro was purely a bluff, and SomeOldBloke's comment made me start to think of an explanation for why Kyon actually following through on that wouldn't work. Instead, I ended up with the basic outline for the story above, proving once again that when Haruhi is involved, anything is possible. Thanks, SomeOldBloke!

The characters and milieu of this fan fiction work are property of Nagaru Tanigawa, Kyoto Animation, and Funimation.


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